#this was Hard i cannot lie to you. and for what.
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Solas sees himself in Rook is the lie in Veilguard I cannot get over.
"Solas sees himself in Rook, perhaps even things he doesn't like to acknowledge", they said. There are no two people more diametrically opposed than Rook and Solas. Outside of Rook doing that thing that pissed off a bunch of people in some sort of authority over them, there is nothing between the two to connect them. All their parallels are utterly superficial.
Well, they are both leaders! Solas lead armies, agents, spies against seven powerful mages with armies, agents and worshipers of their own. He had to be ruthless, to sacrifice, forge alliances knowing he'll break them, to manipulate. His friendship with Felassan suffers because it's exceptionally difficult to be emotionally open with a person you give orders to, who you know might die in your name, for your cause, willingly. Solas know it. That's why Felassan writes about how Solas is planning something and is not telling anyone, even his closest friend. It's nothing good. Both know that and neither can do anything about it because there is massive wall between them made of their complex relationship, their cause, Solas' devotion to Mythal and his vengeance for her murder. Solas cannot be a true friend to Felassan just as Felassan can be a true friend to Solas. Love and care are there there but there are things bigger than them and their relationship at play. Solas had to go along with the Dread Wolf narrative even if he hated it. Rook has to prove they are a really good guy to factions and therapyspeak their team of professionals into working under a lot of pressure. Rook suffers none of the consequences of leadership unless they utterly ignore their companions' side quests. What does Rook lose? Their moral codex? Not once did they have to do anything morally questionable. Their relationships? Hardened mechanics is utterly meaningless in the narrative. Since Hardened mechanics is the only thing that was brought from Origins, it's fair to compare it to Origins: Neve is not Leliana who becomes ruthless and thinks murder might actually be an answer to many questions; Lucanis isn't Alistair who accepts that he must become First Talon. What does Rook lose? One companion who willingly sacrifices themselves.
Solas made choices. Stupid ones, yes, but choices. His actions had terrible consequences. Rook is not active in the narrative. They only react. The choice between cities is so in the moment that it isn't about what Rook is willing to sacrifice, what terrible consequence they are more likely to accept, it is not about "all choices are terrible and you have to choose" but reacting to having to choose at all with very little information based on your companions 3 seconds explanation before they ran away. In inquisition, the choice between mages and templars is also quite early in the game. But it influences how you meet Cole and Dorian, it influences who comes to attack Haven, which enemy you are more frequently encounter in the world. Antivan Crows and Rivain apparently have business dealings going all the time, about supplies and Antaam, but after a dragon attacks Treviso, the Lords of Fortune do not offer a dragon hunter (who is big Crow fan) to help out their assassin business partners and consequently Rook. No, it's on Harding to find the dragon hunter. They see a blighted dragon in D'Meta Crossing, hear Ghilan'na speak through it, and not even say that this might be a big fucking problem very quickly and no one nearby knows how to handle it. It's after a city gets blighted that Solas is telling you to find a dragon hunter. Thank you, dear, but I knew that 6 hours ago. Rook somehow didn't tho. The choice between the cities is utterly superfluous, influencing only your gameplay (which companion can't heal you, which city's side quest get cut, which merchants aren't available) rather than the world. Minrathous is no better for fending off Elgar'nan in the end whether you save it or not. UNFORTUNATELY, due to AMA and John Epler, they resolved the artificial moral quandary of this choice as well. Because the Blight in Minrathous will calcify and die at the end of the game, the blight in Treviso will not. Thanks, I hate it. Though the Archon you choose is very much aware that there are blighted gods with an equally blighted dragons but no preparations for any war marches, attacks, sieges will be made. Antiva doesn't reconsider its governance after having a city invaded and blighted. You chose Treviso? Cool. MInrathous' blight will die at the end, Dorian will become Archon and outlaw slavery and cults. Crows rule unchallenged. You chose Minrathous? New Archon is outlaw slavery and cults, your blighted mage will be just fine, Crows rule unchallenged, not a single Talon is blighted. Sad about Treviso, though, that place might just have to be Chernobyl of Antiva.
Solas had moral complexity. Rook doesn't. Varric handpicked the goodest, goofiest little guy to go against a morally dubious ancient being (MW Rook seems to have committed some cultural taboo but don't worry that will not influence how Emmrich views you. MW is EASIER to gain rep with instead of harder. Strife being that way about VJ Rook who saved lives of their people is nonsensical because Strife sided with helping a human mage instead of cutting off said mage's limbs to free himself. LoF background is nonsensical. Why a bunch of pirates give a shit what nobles think? Because trade? They trade fucking lost treasures, not freshly caught salmon. If not those guys, it's gonna be the other guys. Every nation has insufferable rich people who like to put "exotics" into their home decor.) WHY Varric picked the goodest, goofiest little guy in Thedas to stop an ancient mage who fooled an entire organization (and possibly his lover) a decade ago before disappearing into mist that Spymaster of Inquisition couldn't find him until he wanted to be found makes no sense. The man who has lived and actively participated in the shit happening in Kirkwall and Inquisition. The man who fucking lies for a living. Yes, Varric is a overall a good man, but he isn't the paragon of goodness, far from it. It's not Varric who approves you helping refugees in Inquisition. In fact, Varric approves of Inquisitor deciding to let soldiers to fend for themselves. Varric greatly approves of bullshitting your way through thing, including lying, and protecting what is yours. Hawke was never the goodest guy, they are either a smuggler or merc he hired to go through the Deep Roads. Without committing to either choice presented in DA2, Hawke was presented with moral choices where either pick can be dubious. Hawke had to have picked either mages or templars. A bunch of people who are without a doubt dangerous. Or an order who will commit atrocious crimes because they can get away with given that the crime is against a mage. Hawke had some sort of relationship with the guy who bombed the Chantry and either executed him or let him run, either choice without being canonical presents a moral quandary of its own. Varric writes books about how underhanded tactics, lying, spying, and manipulation with a dose of blackmail can actually be for the benefit of the greater good if done with right intetions. But by choosing Rook, it's like Varric thinks that goodness of Inquisitor is what gets one through Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts, and not ruthlessness, self-service, and a lot of Varric's own favourite hobby - lying. Why Varric you meet in DA2 and Inquisition picks Rook? Well, he CALLS Rook clever and adaptable, but all Rook's cleverness is bulldozing through obstacles and killing obviously evil guys. Rook is stubborn, determined - no doubt. But Rook isn't clever, cunning, or crafty. They prioritize saving life in droves, which is something that would be on Varric's mind IF Varric was to believe Solas was a heartless bastard with no regard for the damage he causes and we know that's NOT what Varric believes about Solas.
Solas has to fight against his downfall - pride. I genuinely don't know what Rook has as a flaw they struggle against. Their compassion doesn't get them in trouble, they don't get tricked or betrayed. But Solas puts them in prison! Yes, but the reason Rook gets caught isn't due to Solas's trickery but because they can't do shit in the moment. They just fought against Ghilan'nain and her darkspawn puppets alone while trying to free their companions, get knocked on the head a few times, hangs upside down like cattle while their friend gets skewered. How Solas gets them into the prison is TACTICAL. Rook is weak, Rook is tired, Rook is vulnerable, and the Veil is thin so he can actually reach through. It's not trickery. But Rook and Co couldn't shut up about Solas' inevitable betrayal so the payoff is due in whatever way possible. Solas thinks he alone can fix what he has broken, he alone has to face Elgar'nan because many ancient grudges and regrets are knotted up in there. Solas turns on his friends because he thinks what he must do is the thing he must do or all is lost (elven immortality, magic, spirits, knowledge, the world he knew and its history). He thinks he alone knows better than anyone. Partially because he is one of the very few beings who lived since it all began, before the world was changed by the Veil. The Prison sequence wants you the player to believe Rook carries the responsibility in some internalized way, but it's not fucking written in any way until this point, so why would you consider it an issue Rook has to actively face and has struggled with and not just an excuse to have Solas out? My brothers and sisters by the Maker's grace, Leandra scolding Hawke for their sibling's death was more scathing than choosing a whole damn city to be left to burn.
"I've molded you into someone the prison can accept in my place". How? You've done nothing. We had like 4 conversations. 3 of which you spent telling me about the Evanuris, the Blight, their dragon thralls, and how much you fucking hate Elgar'nan. Solas says nothing that changes Rook in any way, how they view their leadership, their actions, or themselves. I think the prison will accept anyone with a formed frontal lobe, honestly. Solas makes you say "I'll do whatever it takes" in the dialogue! Again, that attitude Solas tries to push on you is: a. fucking necessary? you have immortal beings with pet dragons and almost unlimited power to fight against. b. the attitude is more embraced by your companions than Rook. c. Rook is never pushed into doing anything morally questionable or even debatably interesting to reach their objective. Not once is Rook saying "i don't want to do this, i hate to do this, but i have no choice." Rook doesn't even have to lie! Not fucking once!
Tricking someone doesn't make you right. It's one of the things Rook and Solas will discuss. And regardless of anything, Rook will go Shiro Emiya "just because you are correct doesn't mean you are right" on Solas's ass. And that's good. It shows that Solas is shit with introspection just like Elgar'nan and Ghian'nain are. It shows why he is stuck in the prison. On the other hand, his fucking murals are shows very nicely why he is stuck in the prison: he immortalizes his regrets that he wishes to forget instaed of working through them. And by bringing the point of trickery without engaging with what it actually menas to trick... It creates a problem. Well, two problems, actually. A. Where the Solas you meet in Inquisition and Trespasser and when can we get him back? Where is the man who tricked a whole ass organization, played chooms with a Seeker of Truth, Qunari spy, published liar, Spymaster of the Divine, and most ruthless diplomat? Never once does Solas feel superior or above the people he tricked there. He is in fact very fond of the Seeker of Truth who not once found truth on her own (I love you Cassandra). He is very fond of the Antivan diplomat who cheats, lies, manipulates, blackmails probably even better than he did as Dread Wolf and he doesn't feel any superiority for having outplayed Josephine. The reason Solas is the trickster is because it's his only weapon. He was never as powerful like Elgar'nan or Mythal, doesn't have a bunch of other somewhat powerful egomaniacs standing for his cause. Wits, trickery, deception are his only damn weapon, were his only damn weapon for centuries. That's why he is so good at it. The problem of Solas isn't in being a fucking trickster who thinks he is right because he can outsmart you, Veilguard, it's that he goes about solving the problems he creates the same way he goes about making them in the first place: alone, through deception. His trickery is a double edged sword and he constantly cuts himself, refusing to lay it down. He alone tricks the Evanuris into containing the Blight with their life force. Boom! The Veil. He lets the Venatori get his orb and bring it to Corypheaus, thinking he outsmarted them all and soon will unlock his orb and tear down the Veil he created. Boom! Corypheus lives, there is hole in the sky! So he slithers his way into the only force he thinks can fix what he just fucked up - the Inquisition - through deception, alone. That's his torment nexus. You tried and you came close, Veilguard, I giveyou that, but you slightly misrepresented the issue. B. The other problem is that Rook never has to trick anyone. Not even their enemies. Rook can never truly testify for the claim "outsmarting someone doesn't prove you were right" because they never had to. Rook is never confronted by the idea that tricking someone might actually good, put you on that high horse and it can be hard to get off. So Rook's words are just lipservice and not proven experience or tested issue.
"Solas sees himself in Rook". Only if Solas views himself as an insufferable goodie-two-shoes fool who thinks in straights lines and is about as easy to trick as a toddler.
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I hate to say it but every system under capitalism is set up this way, to maximize profits. Hospitals are the worst because they are labeled as non-profit. Such a lie. The insurance companies are their partners who deny claims when itâs not beneficial to them but they do it in the shadow of legalise so most people cannot understand what they are talking about. If it was not for Luigi shining a light on the issue a lot of folks still would not know what is going on in these industries.
Please do some research to understand what is really going on. I will help you get stared. Understand how John D. Rockefeller had a big part of why the system is set up this way, to keep you sick and maximize profit. Before Rockefellerâs intervention, most doctors used natural medicines to treat patiences. Rockefeller along with Andrew Carnegie paid for a report to demonize natural medicines, midwifes and other natural treatments that did not occur in hospitals. They wanted to centralize the medical and pharmacitical industry in a way so they could profit. For them, modernization was to treat not cure illness. The kicker is Rockefeller, an oil baron, influenced the pharmaceutical and medical industry to allow the use of oil byproduct in the manufacturing of drugs that are use to treat our illness. This byproduct plays a big part in creating a scenario of prolong treatment. The oil byproduct or petrochemicals are still used to make medicine today and this my friends is part of the problem. The profits from prolong treatment is why cures are not found.
If you want to fact check what I am saying please do the following
Please Google, âoil byproducts used in pharmaceutical industryâ
âJohn D Rockefeller impact on the medical industryâ
âJohn d rockefeller pharmaceuticalâ
I do not believe in conspiracy theories. Conspiracy theories are distraction used to confuse people. I know for a fact that there is no reason for the government or capitalist to hide what they are doing because the people cannot discern real from fake. Most people are working so hard to maintain thier lives that they cannot pay attention to what is really going on. Meanwhile, there are a set of TV stations that will broadcast an unbiased view of the government day to day activities (CSPAN family). You can also read what publicly traded companies are doing in their financial filings. Every once in a while you will catch the capitalist telling the true on TV. They wonât say it more than once and the news channel will not continuously broadcast what they said so you have to pay attention (ie Elon Musk salute, which they are trying to erase from the internet). Read more. Stop looking for people to confirm your bias ideas. Learn how to vet your ideals. Learn how to determine if a story is factual or not by find the source of the story.
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Small idea thing may or may not be canon to my story
Yan! Dion agriche x fem! Reader
Arranged marriage
Warnings: slightly implied slight codependent behavior, jealousy, mention of murder attempt(s), mention of past murder, toxic familial (?)relationships, toxic marriage/relationship, some yandere themes probably. Please tell me if I missed any.
NSFW kind of warnings: suggestive and implied dub-con-ish, and definitely a sexually frustrated Dion
Can be read as it's own thing not sure if I'll include this in main story so POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR 'HELP I REINCARNATED AS THE FEMALE LEAD'S SISTER-IN-LAW"
MINORS/BLANK BLOGS/BLOGS THAT DON'T INTERACT WITH FANDOM RELATED THINGS DNI
I couldn't get this out of my head and I just needed to share it so bad it was eating me up alive.
==
Lowkey think Roxana would pour affection (platonic) at you just to annoy Dion aka small bouts of revenge once she realizes he has a soft spot for you (aka stealing your time, smiling sweetly at you, maybe even make physical contact via pushing your hair back or the very rare looping her arm around yours as you walk in the garden together. Inviting you to dinner sometimes when Dion returns from a mission, getting in his way of his own little goal of spending time with you. Basically becomes your 'bestie' (she denies she cares about you but we all know that's a lie) and enjoys the glares Dion sends her way whenever you're having fun with her and not him.
And truthfully, despite knowing she's using you for something, you enjoy her company after a while. However, you're unable to fully give in and become essentially a sister to her or a 'bestie' because at the end of the day, she is still Roxana Agriche, an Agriche and general and you genuinely cannot see yourself becoming an important person to her or anyone else, still thinking everything is a test to see if they should dispose of you or not.
And while you're aware your husband has a 'thing' for you or even 'love's' you, he's still an imposing figure, still a man who didn't blink twice at killing his own half-brother and would gladly kill one of his step-mothers just to see Roxana cry. So, really, despite your smiles directed at the blond and your sparse forms of 'affection' to your husband, you don't really accept what they show you. Because at the end of the day, you grew up in two very different environments and you are not meant to be here. Your definition of 'love' is vastly different from their own and while Roxana knows how healthy 'love' is supposed to be, it's been so long since she's received it properly. Meanwhile Dion has a hard time understanding it still.
The story has been changed enough. And you're not sure if it should change some more.
And maybe it's because of that you unknowingly refuse to see just how soft Dion Agriche is with others (no where by much, just by like 00.6% since they're not you. ) had become ever since you entered the scene. Because if you acknowledge it then you'll start to see him as a decent person - everything he is not.
Also Jeremy would literally crash any alone time you have with Dion out of both spite for him (he's too weak to fight him just yet + Roxana probably doesn't want them to fight and he's her #2 fan - Cassis takes 1st place and you 3rd.) And some werid younger brother like affection he has for you.
And Dion would definitely steal you away once the opportunity arises and if they were normal siblings he would stick his tongue out at Roxana but since they're traumatized af they just glare at each other so sharply it could cut skin. Proceeds to awkwardly show you affection that both makes you uncomfortable and feel some pity for him because damn, Maria and Lant are horrible parents. If he acts nice enough he might get a kiss on the cheek before you scamper away otherwise (from experience) a make out session you really shouldn't enjoy breaks out but he still gets cock blocked by someone OR you stop him once his fingers start to undo the strings on your dress or his kisses travel to your neck instead, and his excitement is very much noticeable via his actions and the budge in his pants he doesn't even bother trying to hide. Sure, he's very attractive. However, pushing the fact you're still wary and/or 100-80% scared of him aside, he's big and it hurt badly the first time and you really, really like having working reproductive parts and the ability to walk + your gut tells you that there's a chance he won't stop at one (1) round.
Every night you stay up questioning if you're actually in a coma and not reincarnated.
After all, why else would these people concern themselves with you? Why else would they start to get closer to you? Why else would Dion Agriche proclaim that he's your dog?
#marie talks#twtptflob#yandere twtptflob#dion agriche#dion agriche x reader#yandere dion agriche#roxana agriche#jeremy agriche#roxana
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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love â¤
AHHH LIN!!! ok ok uhhhh. this is cheating a little bit bc two of these are series but they really are so special to me, i can't possibly pick just one chapter/installment from either of them. anyways, here are five of my favorites, not necessarily in order (edit: why the FUCK was this so hard???):
Noble Blood - stsg x gn reader; jjk dragon rider au. by word count, this is the longest multichap fic i've ever posted. it's really niche, since it's 1.) a reader insert, 2.) a poly ship, & 3.) a high fantasy AU, but it one of my favorite things i've ever written in my life, and i've been writing (fic & original writing) for over half my life.
Transfem Gojo - trans woman gojo satoru x gn reader. i've always loved playing around with characters' genders and sexualities, which like... there's definitely some projection happening there, but we don't need to talk about that. i also didn't expect the concept to turn into a whole series, but it has, and honestly i couldn't be happier about it, especially when it brought one of my favorite people into my life ( @dr-runs-with-scissors ily) and when i see how much other people love her, even if it's a very small group. again, a very niche concept, but i love it.
Too Much - kocho shinobu x gn autistic reader; shinobu helps reader through a meltdown. this fic was a gift for red ( @redlikerozez), actually! i really like this one bc, as someone who is autistic, it fulfilled a very specific hole in the reader insert space (at least in my experience). it was also nice to write for a character i hadn't yet written for, who is also a female characters and a character that generally has less fic written about her!
Lucky Shot - outlaw geto suguru & fem reader; platonic w/ open ending; gun violence, blood/injury, minor character death. i really liked all the entries i did for riley's collab, but this one is probably my favorite of the three! it was also my first geto fic that didn't include gojo.
Day Off - maki & gn reader; you spend the day at the arcade. this fic is the only one i've ever written based on a request (for @/yuutito), but it was so much fun to write! maki deserves more fics and writing something platonic is always nice.
honorable mention goes to my selkie shoko x gn reader fic Lost & Found.
#asks answered#fallon's friends#luminous lin#this was Hard i cannot lie to you. and for what.#also doing this made me realize that almost everything i write is super niche lmao#OH FUCK I NEED TO GET READY FOR WORK THIS TOOK SO MUCH LONGER THAN I THOUGHT
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If you truly want to do what's best for mentally ill people, you have to learn that you often won't be able to separate the "salvageable" parts of ourselves with our illnesses, and you can't pretend like we are sane people underneath the façade of insanity, like we can flip a switch and magically erase the differences that make us "disordered"
#mental health#mental health advocacy#i'm not sure how best to explain it but i see this attitude a lot that anything even mildly 'unsightly' must be punished or ignored...#...or fear mongered...#...or this idea that we *are* just secretly... not disordered and that we can choose every single aspect of our disorders and how...#...that will impact us and our world#it's really hard to explain if you haven't experienced it yourself. it's so hard to know that who you Fundamentally Are is seen as unhuman#that you cannot be disordered and seen as an equal in so many scenarios is precisely what i mean by 'if you want to do right [by us]'#we shouldn't HAVE to present as non-disordered or non-ill just to be treated like a person#i shouldn't have to be forced to pretend like my illnesses are an optional part of who i am that OTHERS should ignore so they can 'love me'#my illnesses are intrinsically tied to Who I Am. i will never have the opportunity to know what Being Sane is like and i shouldn't...#...have to pretend like that isn't the case#it's just fucked up to me to know that people would rather that we just... ignore often fundamental parts of who we are for *their* comfort#maybe that's how i'd word it? i find this a very complex topic but at the core...#...the idea is that we shouldn't have to fucking live a lie for the sake of the 'normal' folk#(obviously 'normal' isn't accurate on a technical level but it conveys how i see the conflict)
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hey folks did you know i love super dangan ronpa 2
#marzi speaks#thinking abt the themes in that story#ESPECIALLY the letting other peopleâs perceptions dictate who you are vs choosing who you are for yourself and not letting anyone stop you#like almost every single one of the sdr2 cast has a front they put on/identity theyâre âsupposedâ to be vs who they truly are#komaedaâs i could write an essay on so weâre gonna skip him bc. energy#hajimeâs is obvious. i donât need to explain that one. though he tries really hard to come off as more masculine as well which. augh#speaking of masculine souda is a victim of toxic masculinity. he was bullied and had a dad who sucked so he changed himself to look fiercer#ibuki left her band due to âcreative differencesâ- she didnât fit into that classic pop band mold and she allowed herself to deviate#mahiru puts extra pressure on men around her bc Her Dad Also Sucked and sheâs sick of having to deal with weaponized incompetence#gundham is this sweet kind kind boy who hides it all underneath a veil of darkness. the darkness is not a lie either though he is both#sonia. literally a princess. has huge shoes to fill. in reality sheâs a horror fiend who just wants to nerd out abt true crime#nekomaruâs heart condition would have taken him out of sports forever but he found another way and started team managing instead#fuyuhiko is set up to be the next head of the kuzuryu clan but on the inside he is so compassionate (and canonically a prude lmao)#peko is literally raised as a tool and tries to embrace this role even though the one she works for just wants her to be herself#i havenât seen hiyokoâs ftes but i imagine sheâd be far less cruel if she didnât have to deal with constant infantilization and perverts#twogami just. as a whole. the whole character. yeah#thereâs for sure more but i havenât seen everyoneâs ftes so. yanno#like fuck !!!!!! people will always have a perception of what they think you should be but you cannot truly be happy#until you allow yourself to disregard those expectations and forge your own path instead !!!! fuck !!!!!
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SO!!! To anyone unaware, early this month I entered @catmask and @frogcroaks' Monster Mayhem contest!! I made a messed up crab that I called the Haven Crawler. And. Uh. Holy shit, my crab was Lemmy (frogcroaks) judge's choice. So I figured to thank them (and everyone who said. such unbelievably nice things in the chat) I'd post the actual images present in the ref, transparent and on their own!!
Again I want to thank both of the judges for all of the unbelievably kind words they said about my lil guy, and to the chat who was so incredibly nice as well. I honestly still kind of feel like I'm dreaming, and words cannot even begin to express how much this means to me. I've never felt more motivated in my life to continue creating. Thank you.
#monster mayhem#monster mayhem 2024#my art#my designs#[i wont lie ive been happy crying on and off i think i popped off so hard i gave myself a headache LMAO]#[I'M FINE THOUGH DON'T WORRY]#[but uh. i dont wanna get too deep abt my own stuff or anything but. i cannot express how badly i needed to hear what you guys said]#[ive gone from being unsure if i was cut out for this to never being more sure in my life that i love doing art]#[ive been confident in my own skills!! but to hear it from outside like this is. indescribable to me. im still processing it honestly]#[thank you so much]#blood tw#death tw#horror tw#ask to tag
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people donât get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things arenât worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because theyâre things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. iâm at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but iâm a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. itâs not âoh but i can push through itâ because i canât without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I canât think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely donât know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers donât have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice iâm making thatâs true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told âbut you are making choices about your lifeâ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i canât go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isnât freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I donât go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still canât. good days just mean i donât want to lie down on the pavement when iâm going somewhere#I just. I donât magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately itâs#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because thatâs all logical but thereâs no way to explain what itâs doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i donât react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and itâs only getting worse#I canât even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isnât counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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always love it when i go through a Major Crisis but you wouldn't guess from the way i post <3 anyways I'm going through a Major Crisis
#will probably need to visit a crisis centre in the next couple of hours I'm just waiting for my mum to get here#its always like 'this cannot continue' and it always does and it always makes me feel shitty in the long run#i feel like im missing some kind of component that other people have#like i genuinely dont know how people manage to live life#when im on the verge of kms like every single day even when I'm 'happy'#i just want to die all the time#like thats not great đ#and unfortunately its hard for other people as well not just me#and i keep getting into these situations when others worry about me and idk what to say like 'dont worry' is a lie. but also like#i dont want them to worry#you see
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small little thing abt botw/totk and the future of zelda games considering it seems likely that future zelda games might be in the same style as those two and how i feel like botw/totk don't actually feel like zelda games (kind of messy i just typed this out in a kind of informal or whatever way) (this post is long af btw so uhhhh yeah)
im part of the group that claims that botw/totk aren't 'real' zelda games but... i guess they are technically 'real' zelda games, but... they sure as fuck don't feel like it, and because of that, i'm not at all excited with the idea of future loz games being in the same style, especially with the pitfalls these last two games have fallen into having been things that past zelda games did especially well, it feels like things have been sort of flipped on their heads in terms of what's being valued or whatever
like... the best parts of older zelda games were things like the story and the characters and the puzzles and the dungeons and stuff like that... the best parts of botw/totk right now are just the gameplay. people enjoy these new characters, but they dont have the narrative backing that older games do, they don't have the same impactful arcs or roles allowed by a more linear story
the point i want to get at though is how botw/totk honestly don't feel like direct evolutions or steps up from past zelda games but rather just... entirely different game styles (open world games) with the zelda flavoring and worldbuilding and story styling slapped on top.
i mean... i feel like a half-decent example of some other well-known franchises that have jumped on this (honestly kind of thoughtless) open-world bandwagon are mario (mario odyssey) pokemon (sword/shield and scarlet/violet) fire emblem (kind of. with some free-walking segments in 3 houses and engage) and the soulsborne type games (elden ring), these are all other well known and storied game series' that have somewhat made the move to open world, and i think that switch was a bit smoother, kept the core and integrity of the games that came before much better than botw/totk did
elden ring is the easiest to explain- the gameplay loop and core mechanics are the same and build upon past games' you just have more room to run around and get killed in with some little open-world flourishes like material gathering.
fire emblem is... a bit less flexible in terms of changing up the core gameplay, and the addition of open-world segments are added to add bonuses to the strategy gameplay and allow for more support-building oppourtunities and little minigames, and its more or less evolution from echoes' dungeon-crawling bits and the customizable castle in fates. the core gameplay still effectively works the exact same, just with some little class or mechanic tweaks and additions.
mario odyssey, though each world was pretty massive, still had your typical 3d mario platforming, and the new hat stuff fit in pretty well with olderpowerups and gimmicks, and the boss battles feel and work pretty similarly to the way they used it- odyssey does feel like an evolution from past mario games (ps. playing two-player with one person as cappy snaps the game in half. its the secret easy mode lol)
the new pokemon games are pretty much just the same as past pokemon games, theyre just open world and buggy as fuck rip have extra little open-world flourishes that build on what past games set up. the battling works the same as ever and the progression is the same with a number of powerful trainers you have to battle to continue forward.
with botw/totk... the progression is dramatically different in terms of power-scaling, world presentation, item-gathering, puzzle-solving... pretty much everything in the established zelda format. i get that it was pretty much the aim with botw to have a fresh start and throw out a lot of the old standards but it just makes them feel so dramatically alien to past zelda games; theyre completely different experiences in pretty much every single way, and as such they dont feel like what we've (well, people who have started with and spent a lot of time with other loz games) learned to associate with the zelda titles.
with open world games in general it's a bit harder to have a truly impactful narrative akin to those in past zelda games, anyways. i will admit that botw was a good execution of trying out something entirely new, and the narrative and gameplay and world actually complement each other very well, so despite what i've said in the past I can't really fault it's narrative too much since it's a less traditional sort of narrative and effectively does what it aims to do very well.
totk, on the other hand, proves that this style of game does not mesh with the old style of storytelling at ALL. linear games can have proper narratives with coherent stakes, developing characters, twists and reveals and building emotion and mood- and all of that is thrown out the window with totk when they decided to try and have both a more linear story with actual reveals and development and emotion, while also letting you literally spoil it for yourself out the gate.
you can't really have a well-executed story when players are capable of doing things drastically out of order and of jumping into story beats without the prior buildup and straight-up ruining what could be otherwise emotional reveals, and players being capable of doing this is hard-baked in how the game fundamentally works. I honestly feel bad for people who found the fifth sage by accident before anything else.
you can't effectively have a linear story with character growth and plot developments and impactful moments while also allowing it to be experienced out of order and with massive time gaps in between; with this kind of stuff, you can't really have your cake and eat it too. say what you will about the linearity of past zelda games, but i bet you that midna wouldn't be as beloved as a character as she is if it weren't for the linear order of the story and its events. certain parts of storytelling may demand for a linear manner of telling that story.
botw's story works because none of the memories reveal anything groundbreaking taht you don't already know; they are optional and merely give you more information about these characters from link's past and simply inform you about the girl keeping ganon at bay. if you find a late memory first, that's fine- it technically doesnt reveal anything too important to you, it just fills in some gaps for you and your player character. it makes sense within the story itself for the world to be so open and for you to be able to do what you can; the story is not the focus, nor is it even needed to beat the game. the story was made with the gameplay and what you are allowed to do in mind, and as such doesn't include things such as in-depth character development or important plot-twists.
on the other hand, you can easily spoil totk's biggest plot twist in a handful of different ways completely by accident, just by getting curious about the world around you. this can shatter a lot of the mystery or tension in the plot and this can happen completely by accident to someone playing the game organically and blindly. the story itself doesn't take this into account, it reads more like a linear story that would be more suited to a linear style of play, coming across things in order to ramp up the stakes and let things be revealed at the best possible time. (tbh totk's story doesnt seem to take the player into account in general, if the game forcing you to watch basically the same long cutscene four fucking times says anything, jesus christ)
narrative pitfalls aside, botw/totk put heavy emphasis on gameplay, but not in the same way older zelda games did, and as such trade away the unique items and gimmick-y game-specific mechanics for a small toolset handed to you out the gate. what botw/totk do- giving you everything you need from the start and having very little true varation in the gameplay from then on out- make sense and works just fine for an open world game. there is, however, a lack of actual depth to that gameplay that other open world games do have (off the top of my head, the ability to unlock and upgrade abilities and have general character upgrades in fenyx rising as well as the impressive depths of elden ring's combat and character customization system). the most depth botw/totk has to the actual gameplay is just the fourish different weapon types and the ways you use your fourish abilities (saying fourish bc for real ultrahand and fuse are fundamentally the exact same thing). there is also just raising the little defense numbers on your armor and getting more stamina and health, but that does absolutely nothing to the actual gameplay but make link more durable.
i mean, sure, health in past loz games just makes link more durable, too, but thats how health upgrades in any other game work.
the gameplay switch makes sense, considering the switch from a linear puzzle-adventure concentric game to a more sandbox-esque open-world game, but it does not mesh with the former loz formula at all, so while the shift in style makes sense, it makes me think that you can't have a previous-style loz experience in an open-world sandboxish sort of game. especially with how in totk you can very easily bypass most of the fire temple just using the mechanics handed to you at the start. you can't have the same type of zelda dungeons in a game where you are allowed to do it 'wrong' and the game itself does not allow for the same kinds of puzzles.
i am of the opinion that so long as future zelda games work the same way botw/totk did, we will not get old-school zelda-style dungeons again.
the loss of a variety of items used for specific puzzles and environment switches is the loss of a varied dungeon experience and the loss of the same kind of world and character progression as past zelda games.
you are handed everything you'll ever need at the start of botw/totk. the only thing that will meaningfully change is how much damage you do. there are no alternate strategies opened up by new items that can double as weapons, no new traversal options or routes opened up by things such as grappling hooks or clawshots or whips or specific wands. even the battle system is drastically different, instead of being enemies that take specific amounts of hits to die while you can obtain progressively stronger swords, enemies are just damage sponges and you can get all kind of weapons that just do different numerical amounts of damage.
the bosses themselves- big staples and draws of zelda games- also work extremely differently. instead of having to leverage specific items to expose weak spots or having to fight in a specific manner to do damage, you are just asked to... do damage. even in totk's bosses, where sage abilities are most certainly helpful, the only boss i found to truly require a sage ability was the lighting temple's boss; the others i either hardly used the sage at all (i didn't use yunobo at all in the second phase of the fire temple boss and hardly had a need for tulin with the wind temple boss [esp considering i was using a 3-shot lynel bow to make the poor fucker a cakewalk]) or found that alternative solutions felt better, like resorting to splash fruit on repeat water temple fights instead of wrestling with having to activate and use sidon's ability. the sages are honestly fairly poor replacements for dungeon specific items.
this kind of causes botw/totk to play more like a poor man's dark souls or just like any other open world rpgish game. i don't play botw/totk for the experience of a zelda game, i play it because it's an open world game that i can walk around in for five minute before switching to something else because i liked something in that other game better.
the combat in botw/totk isnt designed in such a way that makes it feel good. mineru's mech is fucking dismal, but since it's just either shooting with a bow or attacking with one of three types of melee weapon with some timing for a dodge, it can get stale fast. it doesn't necessarily even feel good, since there's not enough variety for it to get really engaging. (this is def an uneven comparison, but elden ring's combat feels considerable better with the different dodges you can do and the amount of attack options you have with just one weapon, not to mention the amount of control you have over your general fighting style.) combat in botw/totk at hour 1 is the exact same as combat in botw/totk at hour 100, the only different being the amount of damage you do or how much of a beating you can take.
it just... the styles of botw/totk can't allow them to feel the same as older zelda games. the shift in style was clearly a good move to draw in series newbies and shake things up, but it comes at the caveat of making them feel distant from their predecessors and uncomfortably similar to other games like them. it's hard to avoid comparisons with elden ring when on the surface they are very similar games, one just feels more true to its core identity
this all is said without mentioning the way in which botw/totk lore feels almost dismissive of past series staples and seems intent on not looking back while also taking every fucking attempt to nudge you and say 'hey, remember that zelda game' and honestly all that shit does is make me want to play a different zelda game.
botw/totk seem altogether very desperate to distance themselves from past zelda games while also being unable to really tear itself from what came before and it just culminates in me spotting linebeck island on the map and going 'damn i miss linebeck' and turning the fucking game off to play phantom hourglass instead. say what you will about phantom hourglass, but it certainly handles its story progression and character development infinitely better than the game that lets you accidentally shatter the impact of the story by deciding to check out that cool temple in the distance of the depths
#quick note abt the examples from early on i got the verdict on soulsborne games from my friend who has actually played more than elden ring#and pokemon was kinda a guess the most recently mainline pokemon game i have is sun/moon#totk has made me really think about what i like in video games and why lmao.#it has also made me appreciate botw a lot more. i prefer the emptier hyrule of botw it just feels extra cluttered in totk#i like how in botw its a lot more natural and more fun to honestly run around in with there being no falling debris or scary holes#salty talks#totk salt#being annoying abt totk again hiiiii. id like to talk abt stuff i liked in other loz games but its hard to start without some kind prompt#im not entirely sure how i could really explain how i feel totk's story failed and why without going in circles for a while#its just. the gameplay and the intended story experience clash like fucking crazy plus the story relies too much on the player#to do a lot of emotional heavy lifting#like. if you want to start a convo with me abt this go for it but this is what i have to say for rn#loz#legend of zelda#totk#botw#totk criticism#i do really appreciate botw now im not gonna lie. its still not amazing in my eyes but i appreciate it for what it is#also i cannot believe totk made linebeck island worse fuck you#like. in botw theres a goddamn chest with 50 rupees and thats a good subtle nod to what's being referenced#in totk theres just two bokoblins and nothing else and i dont care if it wouldve been lazy to just have the chest there again#you explicitly namedropped linebeck might as well make good on it. its more fun to continue having little nods like that#i understand when people say that saying botw isnt a 'real zelda game' is bad criticism but tbh its not really a criticism its just an#observation. it comes with its ups and downs and for me it makes me enjoy these games less and makes me feel a bit alienated#if that makes sense. idk. its late and if i continue with that thought im going to lose it for sure#ig just. im upset abt how totk handled its story and im upset at the idea of... this being the future of these games yknow#it feels like a selfish sentiment but idk#long post#bitching abt totk
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and whatâs crazy to me about the situation where the actresses in pride and prejudice 2005 didnât wear makeup, is that everyone is like. oh theyâre lying. oh no one looks that pretty without a full face of makeup. oh itâs a lie they had a makeup artist credited and i donât believe it was only for âcontinuityâ theyâre all lying!! like. are you for real so influencer pilled that you canât believe that women can be beautiful and appealing to you without covering their faces in makeup. ��but no makeup doesnât translate as well on camera so theyâre lyingâ actually if you know how to fucking film it right and light it right anything can look good just because YOU donât think YOU look as good without makeup on your front facing phone camera doesnât mean joe wright doesnât know what heâs doing⌠like girl we all already knew kiera knightly was beautiful and had flawless skin is it truly so hard to believe she wasnât caked in foundation
#jena malone wouldnât lie to us okâŚ#i truly think our society is just so makeup pilled we canât conceptualize the idea of beautiful women not being covered in makeup#and it makes me incredibly sad because then itâs like. well how do you react to women in your real life who arenât wearing makeup#like are you looking at them and thinking ugh theyâre so ugly because they donât wear makeup#it cannot possibly be that hard to believe those actresses were really bare faced (in general)#men are filmed without wearing makeup all the time and you bitches are falling over yourselves to call them sexy. so what gives
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i literally need there to stop being situations circumstances events developments complications and happenstances. for the fucking love of god
#purrs#but there will never stop being any of those things so actually what i literally need is to learn HARD AND FAST how to stop getting so#fucking triggered over a situation i know is NOTHING so bad that im anxious for the entire rest of the day and canât even get any work done.#like (jade from tesco voice) girls⌠im not gonna lie to you. i think therapy is not working. i think i am not mentally or emotionally strong#enough to work in this job and i think i am never going to get mentally or emotionally stronger. ive been stuck in the quicksand too long#and now im atrophying. i cannot develop the situational awareness and motor skills or awakeness (and i mean AWAKEness.) to safely and#consistently drive a car. i cannot develop the intellect and drive and courage to get an advanced degree or be in a leadership position that#everyone actually sees as a leadership position lmfao. and i cannot develop the emotional intelligence and inner peace to not get triggered#out of my fucking mind at work to the point where im having anxiety heart palpitations and fighting back tears. i am just stuck as i am#forever. and you know how i know that? BECAUSE IVE WORKED AT THE NATIONALLY RENOWNED CENTER FOR YOU-ARE-NOT-STUCK-AS-YOU-ARE-FOREVER FOR#FIVE FUCKING YEARS SINCE ITS LITERAL FOUNDING AND HELPED TO FOUND IT AND IM STILL LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! i go back to square one EVERY#FUCKING DAY!!!!!!!! how am i supposed to tell other people who they are is what they bring and the world can change and whatever when i am#the fucking antithesis of that. when i donât even believe my own words. like the way i want to punch out every window in this building rn i#HATE BEING LIKe this i hate being in the psychic prison of scared little girl mode all the time forever no matter what and being beyond help#and disappointing and burdening the people around me because i canât be fucking normal about like. hierarchy and institutional politics LOL#delete later
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send me a ⧠and iâll bold all that apply to your muse! (with italics as a 'sometimes' option because i'm a rule-breaker and things may depend on the situation).
i would kill you. ⧠i would physically hurt you. ⧠i would attack you unprovoked. ⧠i would manipulate you. ⧠i dislike you. ⧠you annoy me. ⧠you scare me. ⧠you intimidate me. ⧠i hope i intimidate you. ⧠i pity you. ⧠you disgust me. ⧠i hate you. ⧠iâm indifferent toward you. ⧠iâd like to get to know you better. ⧠ iâd like to spend more time with you. ⧠iâd like to be friends with you. ⧠ iâm unsure what to think of you. ⧠iâm unsure how I feel about you. ⧠you are my friend. ⧠you are my best friend. ⧠you are my mentor. ⧠i look up to you. ⧠i respect you. ⧠you are my hero. ⧠you inspire me. ⧠you are my enemy. ⧠you make me happy. ⧠i want to protect you. ⧠i would fight by your side. ⧠i consider you an equal. ⧠i think you are beneath me. ⧠i think you are above me. ⧠i would lie for you. ⧠i would lie to you. ⧠i would sleep with you. ⧠i would sleep by your side. ⧠i would hug you. ⧠i would kiss you. ⧠you are family to me. ⧠i would die for you. ⧠i would kill for you. ⧠i would trust you with my life. ⧠i would trust you with my most precious belonging. ⧠i would trust you with a secret. ⧠i would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ⧠i love you (platonically). ⧠i love you (romantically).
#sifonie#OOH BOYYY. the mixed nature of this is... JSJSJ i'm sorry about barton ramone he is justtt. Not the best person even around people-#he likes / cares about sometimes NGL and a lot of his relationships if not all of them are (unfortunately) unstable to at least a small-#degree. though of course i'm not trying to justify his behavior at all here... i just think that barton literally Cannot Help himself-#whenever it comes to manipulating people to the point where he may even do it unconsciously sometimes as terrible as that might sound đ#and as for the whole 'you scare me' thing i think this just applies in the context of sibyl technically having the power to like. Kill him-#if they wanted to even if they wouldn't considering that they are like siblings to each other you know? and barton is naturally a-#distrustful person SO that also adds to him feeling a bit scared of them at times i think ahahhh.#but that's enough of talking about the negative stuff!! let's talk about how barton sees sibyl as an equal and would die for them...#because i honestly that serves as SUCH a dichotomy to the first thing's that i highlighted here and normally those thing's-#probably wouldn't coexist within the same person but if there is one thing that barton is - it's surprising in regards to how complex-#he can make his relationships with people JSJSJ LMAO but barton wanting to protect them is also? kind of sweet as well?? like OMG#plus the fact that they make him happy is đ it's really kind of touching in my humble opinion.#now if only barton didn't feel the need to LIE and still manipulate people sometimes even when he likes them...#then we'd be golden but i guess that would be asking for too much from him JSJSJ#not me talking as if he's real đ nooo but this was seriously really fun to fill out so thank you for sending this prompt to me ramone!!#and i hope i was able to shed a little more light on their relationship from barton's side of thing's bc i feel like it can be hard to tell#what barton truly thinks about someone even when i'm writing him in the 'stream of consciousness' style haha#also the italics is a 'maybe' in this case so it doesn't apply all the time!!
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Preach it! I wish people would realize how significant the overlap between the whump and the disability community is, and that we're not intruding or taking over spaces
Yeah. This wasn't a thing until recently, hence my additional annoyance with it. Like I said in the larger post, whump is a way for us to find common ground with each other and other people. I've learned a lot about the mechanics of pain disorders that aren't ME/CFS, and phenomena that are similar to what I experience but not exact, and not just on my own posts. I reblogged a reference post a while back from someone who has fainting spells, and I was fascinated to learn how much longer I'm typically unconscious for (30-90 seconds vs 2-15 wholeass minutes!). Previously I'd just thought unconsciousness was unconsciousness. It's been a good tool for me for talking to my doctors, even. One of the first things I'm asked when I mention my pain knocking me out is if I've ever fallen, to which I've always responded "??? By the time it's bad enough for me to pass out I've already had to sit/lie down??" Now I know why they're always asking what I thought prior to this was a weird and counterintuitive question, and I can say "I don't mean fainting, I mean passing out, this and that are different"... which is really going to help me in disability evaluations, because I've met a lot of lay people who are convinced that if you don't drop from a standing position it's not "real." All because somebody made a whump reference post for writers, and tagged it what it was so I could find it. And the thing is, there's already a dedicated "space for community things," it's called the actually tags, and it's why they exist. #actuallydisabled #actuallychronicallyill I use these all the time, and you know what? No fandom content. This is a total and complete non-issue. When this shit takes over your life, in my experience, you've got two options for what to do with the spoons you're left with. You can reach out, connect with people, find something you can do to counteract how the world treats you and feel human again... or you can sit around trying to make everyone else as miserable as you are. I choose Door #1.
#it's just sad seeing people define themselves by how the world treats us#and then go and reinforce it#like why#aren't you exhausted?#don't you want to define yourselves by your pursuit of the human experience#instead of all the ways the world at large tries to take that away?#i know it's hard to believe in others when you're isolated#i know what it's like to compromise for the sake of in-person company#i have one rule and it's don't lie to me#i kept somebody who broke that rule repeatedly around for years#because i didn't want to be by myself#and nobody else bothered to visit#but in the whump community I'm (for the most part) freed from that choice#and if there is something i absolutely cannot stand#as long as people care enough to tag diligently i can avoid it#my online experience can be shaped and built and curated#my irl experience cannot#why would i recreate the situation when I could have the first?#whump meta#not tagging my annoyance#this is an editorial not a beef#also the people who came after me failed their own test#had reblogged fandom content to the chronic pain tag themselves#and came clowning on my nonfiction ref post#honestly I'm like 98% sure they were sicced on me#and I know exactly by whom
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I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way
#itâs more so selfishness lmao#idk Iâm getting unnecessarily worked up about this but 6 months ago I kinda vanished off of everywhere and then I noticed she deleted some#messages#girl I wouldâve responded later calm down gosh the messages arenât going anywhere nor are they disappearing#dora daily#I think of all people who should be mad youâre the last one because tell me why you were so viscerally rude to me since the beginning and#played a massive part of the roaa situation by being complacent when oh ! I thought youâd side with your alleged best friend ME#girl you have no right to complain at all not to mention you take FOREVER when you have no excuse to reply back but when Iâm struggling I#apparently have zero excuse â ď¸ girl bye#not to mention the fact that when I was so frustrated with myself having these bad headaches and being so incapable of doing anything when#exams were so close all you had to say was what can I do#well bitch what could I have done when you were at hospital#I guarantee you I was the only one texting you 24:7 asking how you were#reassuring you that itâs okay to feel upset about being in the fucking hospital and you donât need to have such toxic positivity all the tim#oh but when the other girl had freaking back pain from her period or something apparently thatâs more of a concern#girl bye#not me who has chronic headaches and cannot even study and nothing sticking cause itâs that bad#oh but go ahead compare it to your chronic illnesss like yes itâs horrible and yes it impacts you a lot#but I donât think it impacts your brain and memorisation capacity#not to mention how fucking jealous she is of everything like I can say oh god I was so stressed and girl she has not felt stress in her life#compared to what I go through yet she is jealous of the fact I can stress ? tf?#and when I say I almost passed out cause of exhaustion she doesnât give a shit when I was being so serious#in truth Iâve come to realise nobody does seem to care at all lmao they all think Iâm lying#why would I lie about that be so fucking fr rn#anyways this is why I simply donât want to talk about my physical condition with anyone anymore because theyâll think Iâm a liar anyways đ¤ˇââ#not to mention the fact if you even knew me a little youâd understand that itâs so impossibly hard for me to feel comfortable enough to#complain to talk about me feeling sick or sad or whatever I only do it here cause no one follows me and no one will rlly see it at all#but even here I feel like my throat closes up and I can barely breathe when I do complain#so pls âŚ#this one sided friendship thing is crazy cause girl how do I shake you off?
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â leviticus 20:13 on ao3
#i may or may not be working on a new typeset#saying no would be a lie. and lying is a sin.#like oh my god just take me out back and shoot me#what makes this extra ironic#but still when he wants to kiss tetsurou he cannot help but think of sin and trying to convince himself it's okay to ask for what he wants#by saying it would be a sin to lie and that's why it's okay#even tho he doesn't believe in god!!! even tho there's literally no one around that will smite him down or judge him or tell him off#he still impulsively rationalises his choices in terms of what is and isn't a sin#god it's just so painfully catholic#for the record i do not think like this anymore#and i did always think the concept of not sinning because it went against god was a bit ridiculous even as a child that didn't sit right w/#but this is still relatable#and i think all catholics and ex-catholics can relate to the impulse to always moralise our actions breaking out of the need to constantly#justify TO YOURSELF why you do what you do or want what you want#god it's so exhaustinggggg#anyways this is exhibit a million why this kei in particular hits me quite hard#tsukki <3#kurotsuki#haikyuu#also re my post a few days ago about the importance of tsukki being the one to confess first... prime example right here
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